The best thing since sliced bread.....

What is this wonderful thing that I have brought into my life you may ask? Full panel maternity pants. I think I am in love. It brings a whole new appreciation for Joey from friends, belly to the table, decked out in Phoebe's plaid full panel maternity pants ready to devour the entire Thanksgiving turkey. The heck with all you skinny girls who wear those little hipster maternity pants......this girl needs full support! I have been paroozing the Internet for sales on maternity clothes, and I believe I have found my debit card's worst enemy for the next 9 months...Old Navy Maternity. Cozy, roomy yet supporting, and all the summer stuff is super cheap :) Bring on the belly.... I'm ready!!...or at least my wardrobe is!

And I thought getting pregnant was going to be tough....

That was nothing compared to the constant fear and worry of something happening to this precious bean. I have read so many heart breaking stories of miscarriages and losses that just like I analyzed every "pre-positive test" symptom, I seem to be doing that "post-positive test." I suppose its the very early nausea that I felt, which initially sounded dreadful, but haven't felt very much of the past two days has sent my mind spinning. It's amazing how you don't realize how much you miss something until it's gone. Who would've thought one would ever "miss" feeling nauseated. But I suppose its the whole, "I have to see it to believe it" phenomena that makes this so challenging. Since I cannot "see" our little bean right now, I want to feel it, just so I know its real and that it is safe :) I suppose for now, I'll just keep spending money on more tests just to make sure it's still there!

Pregnancy symptoms 101

Now that I have documented my journey through trying to conceive, its time to move the train to the next station.... PREGNANCY! It was so fun to tell my closest friends of our great news! Some screamed with joy, some still groggy from my early morning phone call, but all with big supportive "Congratulations!" for the parents to be.

I am currently somewhere between 3 and 4 weeks pregnant so we will still be waiting a little while before we shout it from the mountain tops for all to know. Its funny how as soon as you see that little line, amongst all of the nervousness, joy, and excitement comes worry too. I suppose that worry never goes away as long as you are a parent, but it sure does start immediately. There are so many risks and things that can happen during pregnancy that your mind becomes a whirlwind of "what ifs." I am pretty sure many a women have gone completely insane during pregnancy for this exact reason. One of the first things I worried about is whether it will be a sticky bean. You hear so many stories of early losses that you can't help but wonder "Is that going to be me?" There is no way of knowing, which is probably for the better, but also cause for most of the insanity.

Other than the tornado of emotions, I haven't had feelings of much else. Lots of gas, a little queesy yesterday, and a raging sore throat this morning (which some would speculate whether its truly an early symptom of pregnancy, but lots of women have experienced it). From time to time I have had some mild cramping, but with all this extra air in my body right now, its hard to tell which is which.

None the less, we are super excited and very blessed that it only took two months. Some women struggle with infertility for years, which must bring on more heartache and disappointment than I can even fathom. Now hopefully this bean stays put!!! Stay stuck bean, we already love you!

BIG FAT POSITIVE

BFP! BFP! BFP! Can you believe it? I almost couldn't as that tiny little pink line came into view within seconds. I started shaking and my heart started racing.

The funny thing is, I really didn't think we would get a BFP this month...our timing wasn't so great, but over the past week two things were different for me. One was being super gassy, it was sort of ridiculous :) The other was a "girlie" symptom that I will spare you from. That's it. None of the other classic symptoms, and it was a little too early to say that I had missed Aunt Flo.

I got the urge to test Friday night, two nights ago, sort of on a whim. I got a barely faint line, thought my eyes were playing tricks on me so Derek and I went to dinner. When I got home the line had dried a little darker. So I took another. Still very faint line. I posted pictures of the tests on one of the Trying to conceive message boards and received lots of "positive" feedback. I was so nervous, and wanted to tell Derek, but needed a bigger fatter line before I could believe it myself. So the next morning, I broke out my more expensive tests and sure enough within seconds I had a very legitimate pink line.

I wanted to do something cute and creative to tell Derek the news, but he woke up within minutes of the positive test, so there was no time, and I was not going to be able to keep it from him. The night before was hard enough. Poor guy was still half asleep when I approached him, positive test in hand, and held it up. His first question was "what is that?" and his second was "is that for real?" Once he believed it to be true, we both got teary eyed and hugged. It was super sweet.

Chin up

Last month did not turn out to be a big fat positive. I learned some valuable lessons though...

1. Pregnancy tests with blue lines have a VERY HIGH rate of false positives.

2. Watching your temperatures is good for only the first half of your cycle, beyond that, its pointless and stressful.

3. It doesn't really matter when our wonderful happens.

I am actually glad the first month is out of the way, sure I wish that we only had to go through the agony once, but it is much less stressful this time. Hopefully less stress means more success!! Back to waiting.....

A big fat..........MAYBE????

The waiting game for the BIG FAT POSITIVE is excruciating. Truly excruciating. Some girls have said that the 2 week wait gets a little less nerve wracking after you experience it a few times, but I would love it if I only have to go through it this once :) :)

It is interesting though that everything you feel you attribute it to being pregnant...even if you know it is WAY to early for something to happen. From every little twinge, cramp, feelings of nausea or even a runny nose make you think that you are experiencing that because you are pregnant.

Speaking of pregnant.....I am trying not to get my hopes up, but I did pee on a stick this afternoon and got a very faint blue line. Some say that the tests with a blue line are not reliable and often give a false positive, so I am trying to patiently wait a few more days. The digital one that I took this morning said negative, but they are also not very sensitive and I am still 5 days away from my scheduled visit from Aunt Flow.

For now though, I'll keep my fingers crossed!!!

Progesterone Poisoning

Who knows if that is really what it was or just a result of the crazy indigestion that I have had going on for the past three days, but this morning as I was getting ready I had this overwhelming sense of nausea. It came on like a ton of bricks, had me contemplating running to the bathroom for about three seconds, then it vanished as quickly as it arrived. I won't make too much speculation about it, but I'll just say that it was weird for sure.

I just completed my five days of taking a fertility enhancer and to my surprise, I have not had any side effects. I thought for sure I would become victim of the hot flashes or mood swings...but so far so good. One thing that I have noticed is that my temperature has been on the higher side of my normal for the past five days without much fluctuation. Wonder if this is due to the medication or it's just because? Who knows. I am glad that at least for now I don't have to take anything other than a multivitamin, I had a small case of juvenile Alzheimer's and contemplated a pill box. I couldn't remember what pills I had taken and not taken. They say pregnancy makes your forgetful, maybe I'm just preparing for it! Yep that definitely sounds better than juvenile Alzheimer's!!